Miscast
by mandalay-bay
Summary: Thanks to Rinoa's amazing spell casting ability Zell is now a female version of himself. How will he manage the life of a girl and what will Seifer think of the Chicken-Wuss now? Rated PG13 for later chapters.
1. A Slight Change

_This piece of fan fiction was inspired by the lovely and amusing story 'Dude Looks Like A Lady' by PodSara. If you like this then you'll like that and hopefully vice versa. I've asked her permission to nab a bit of her idea but I haven't got a reply, however because of my extreme urge to write this, I thought I would begin anyway. Don't hate me._

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the FF8 characters etc. because they belong to the lovely Square. I probably would not have been started this if it weren't for 'Dude Looks Like A Lady' by PodSara so go and read that too._

* * *

**MISCAST**

**Chapter One  
****_A Slight Change_**

It is a well known fact that training with Rinoa Heartilly is the same as playing a game of ping-pong with Ifrit, meaning that by doing so you'll probably lose an eyebrow or two in the process. However losing eyebrows is not the worse thing that could happen to you, although Headmaster Cid would beg to differ after being hit by a Fire spell gone awry a few weeks back. You could have your pigtails turned into rattle snakes ala Amy, the library girl, or perhaps even be turned into a half man half koala bear like what had happened to Ward when he came to visit a month earlier. Rinoa was prone to causing such mass, yet amusing, destruction and this fact made her new training partner Zell, although 'victim' would be a better name for it, wish to take back the arrangement of five free hotdogs for a one hour training session with Rinoa 'Whoops-How-Many-Heads-Should-You-Have?' Heartilly.

"If you turn me into a koala then it'll be ten free hotdogs from you, understand?" Zell warned nervously. He had seen what Rinoa could do, those rattle snakes were still slithering around here somewhere.

"Yeah I understand. Now hold still while I practise my Ultima," Rinoa ordered, her arms out in front of her ready to cast. Zell took a step back realising that perhaps ten hot dogs were not enough compensation for what could happen to him.

"Ultima?" he whined, "but I thought you'd just do a few Water spells and we'll be done with."

"I've already practised my elemental magic with Cid remember?" replied Rinoa, a faint purple glow was now emitting from her hands, "be quiet and let me concentrate."

"So you can turn Chicken-Wuss here into what he should rightfully be?" Both Rinoa and Zell turned to see Seifer Almasy leaning casually on one of the Training Ground's trees; his trademark smirk plastered on his face.

"What would that be Seifer?" Rinoa sighed in an exasperated tone. Her hands were now no longer glowing but resting floppily at her side.

"A chicken of course, what else?"

At this Zell immediately launched himself Seifer, hands clenched into fists ready to punch. Seifer just laughed and held Zell back with his gunblade with one hand and raised his other to his mouth in a mock yawn.

"You fight like a girl Chicken-Wuss," he said, "why don't you go back and continue braiding Rinoa's hair"

Siefer's insult was cut short by a sudden burst of purple like that engulfed both him and Zell. He braced himself for the impact of the spell; he knew Ultima was bad news, one of the most powerful spells alongside Meteor. However the strange thing was that the purple glow disappeared in a matter of seconds leaving Seifer completely unharmed. Puzzled by this he turned to see what effect the so-called Ultima spell had on Zell but bizarrely enough Zell was no longer standing beside him and in his place was something that caused Seifer to burst out into a fit of hysterical laughter, in the background he could even hear Rinoa giggling.

"What the hell are you laughing at Almasy?" demanded Zell, his voice was higher than normal and he could feel a strange weight on his chest.

"YouHAHA-Girl" Seifer said in between spurts of raucous guffaws.

"Rinoa?" Zell asked; his face scrunched up in confusing, "what did you do?"

"I-I'm sorry Zell," Rinoa replied. Her giggling was louder now, like she couldn't stop no matter how guilty she felt about what she did to Zell. You see he had changed slightly. Shoulder-length curls replaced the short and spiky blond hair and his figure was now extremely feminine. On 'his' chest lay breasts, not to big and not to small. The knee length shorts that this new Zell was wearing were baggy and hanging off at the hips, almost ready to fall. There was no denying it Zell was now a girl.

It took a few long seconds for Zell to realise what Rinoa and Seifer were laughing at. He looked looked down and saw the new breasts, he felt the hair on his shoulders and he noticed that his shorts were about to fall down so he hitched them back up and tightened the belt of it as much as he could. Ten hotdogs were definitely not worth _this_ humiliation.

"Change me back," Zell insisted, his voice sounding extremely strange and slightly whiny in his ears. He could still hear Seifer's chronic laughter behind him; it echoed throughout the whole Training Ground.

"Oh, um I'll try," Rinoa said, she was trying her best to control her giggling and only partially succeeded since every now and then a little hiccup of a laugh escaped from her mouth.

Rinoa really did try. She had bombarded Zell with countless Ultimas, healing him/her every now and then with Potions and Curagas. She tried all the elemental spells in hope that they would reverse the effect and even a few Holies but to no avail. Seifer stood as far away from Rinoa as possible during her castings but he still watched the two with amused eyes, the smirk of his dancing on his face.

Many hours and a still unchanged Zell later even Seifer was getting tired of watching Rinoa barrage Zell with countless spells. He looked at his watch and saw that it was almost midnight and he turned to leave. However he was stopped by a scream of "ALMASY!" coming from Zell and turned back around to face him.

"You better not go telling people about this," Zell warned, or at least tried to. Seifer was, unfortunately, not at all threatened and couldn't help but thinking that this fem-Zell was rather cute when she was angry.

"Yeah yeah," Seifer replied grinning, "whatever you say Little Miss Zell." After saying this he left the Training Grounds, laughing again to himself.

"Fuck you Almasy," shouted Zell and he turned back to face Rinoa, "come on lets keep on going."

Rinoa shook her head; she was breathing heavily and her eyes were weary.

"It's no use Zell," she huffed, "I'm too tired and I can't cast anymore. I'm so sorry Zell but I have no magic left." She looked at him apologetically and Zell could see she was telling the truth. Even so he still did not want to give up and remain a girl for any longer then he had to, but Rinoa was his friend and so he nodded to her signifying that that would be enough for the day.

"I'm sorry Zell," Rinoa repeated, "they won't let you in the guy's dorm so you can stay with me, okay?"

"Okay," Zell agreed and with one last hoist of his shorts he walked with Rinoa to her dormitory.

* * *

_First Chapter is a wee bit short but I had no better way to end it. Reviews very much welcome and very much wanted. I need Feedback people, it's my wine and bread._


	2. Meet Avis

**Chapter Two**

**_Meet Avis_**

Upon entering Rinoa's dormitory Zell had to take a step back in utter shock. He had never been in a girl's room (minus that of his adoptive mother) and the sudden burst of baby blue and an assortment of colourful ornaments, including an excessive amount of teddy bears and a couple 'Squall and Rinoa' photos, made Zell's eyes water. The designing skills of Rinoa, or lack thereof, made Zell feel like he was peeling a large onion with his teeth. The only thing that Zell found particularly comforting in the dorm room was the fact that there were two beds; Zell was glad, he was in no mood to sleep on the floor.

"Welcome to my humble abode," Rinoa said smiling sweetly. She seemed to not notice the utter deficiency of taste of her 'humble abode'. Zell thought it best not to tell her, if Rinoa could turn him into a girl when she was pleasant there was no telling what she could do if she was annoyed.

"Thanks for letting me stay with you," Zell replied, he was sure that damn purple teddy on the windowsill was giving him the evil eye.

"It's a bit a mess but I've seen the state of your room Zell Dincht and it can't be much worse." Well she was right there, Zell's room was a tip but being a guy made it not much of an issue. _You're not a guy anymore Dincht_…_ Remember?_

Realising how sad and down Zell looked Rinoa placed a hand on his shoulder sympathetically and ushered him to sit down on her unmade bed. Rinoa was beginning to get use to the sight of him as a girl; the same Zell but different, especially now that black tribal tattoo was no longer planted on his face.

"Look," she began, "I know this must be hard but I'll help as much as I can and I won't tell a soul okay? I promise." Zell nodded, his head still bent slightly downwards. It wasn't that he didn't trust Rinoa but he was beginning to lose hope that he could change back.

"I guess we need to make up a story for this new female you. First let's start with a name."

They spent the next hour thinking up names and trying to create the most plausible back-story possible. It was mainly Rinoa who came up with the ideas and she seemed to be enjoying it as well. There was just something about making up a character that was just so… fun.

"Okay okay," Rinoa started, she was trying to hide the gleeful smile that was appearing on her face. It was playing with a doll; in fact she decided to name Zell after her favourite childhood doll. "So your name is Avis Delavy, you're an old friend of mine from Deling City, you came over here to visit me and try your luck at teaching a Martial Arts. Get it?"

"Yes of course I fucking get it, you've been telling me for a half hour," Zell shouted, but he soon regretted it. He didn't mean for it to sound as harsh as it did and he felt guilty when the hurt look appeared on Rinoa's face. _She is trying her best._ "Sorry I-um- I'm tired and it's already about two in the morning. We should talk about this again tomorrow, okay?"

Rinoa nodded in agreement and they both got ready for bed.

* * *

Zell was awakened by the high-pitched excited squeals of none other than Rinoa Heartilly. At first he was confused as why she he could hear her when her dormitory was so obviously on the other side of the building from his. It was until he reached down to say 'Hello' to his 'Mr Happy', and finding out that 'Mr Happy' had gone bye bye, did Zell remember the happenings of last night. After figuring this fact out he opened his mouth and yelled a profanity loud enough to confuse a fat pigeon outside, thus making it slam against the dorm window with a loud thud.

"I'm glad you're awake Zell," Rinoa said grinning from ear to ear, a large pile of shopping bags lay at her feet. "But I think you may have just killed a pigeon with your obscenities." At this remark Zell just stared at her.

"Do I look like I care about pigeon welfare to you?" He replied while pulling himself up to a sitting position on his new bed. He looked down at the pile of bags and then up at the flushed face of Rinoa who appeared to have just ran a marathon. "What's with the bags?"

"I took the liberty of buying you some more feminine clothing that I thought would fit the role of Avis Delavy perfectly," Rinoa responded in answer to Zell's second question, she ignored his first. "Oh and I also talked to Squall. I told him that you, Zell, had an urgent Dincht family matter to attend to and had to leave immediately. After that I told him about you, Avis, and how you would be replacing Zell and teaching his Martial Arts class instead. He soaked it all up like a sponge."

"You-but-I- What time is it?" Zell asked confused. He was amazed at how long he must have slept to allow Rinoa to do all this, either that or Rinoa was just super-efficient. He knew it was humanly possible; he had once seen Selphie organize a whole festival in a matter of minutes while Headmaster Cid was nearly weeping at the stress of it all.

"2pm. You've been asleep for over twelve hours lazy bum."

At these words Zell jumped from his bed in utter shock. He was an early bird since he could remember and have probably never awoken after 9am, no matter how late he slept the night before. Perhaps this being-a-girl thing changed his biological clock – or whatever it was called. He looked into the bag of clothes Rinoa had gotten him, grateful for her yet irritated that she didn't wake him up beforehand. He was glad to see that the underwear, although puzzling at first, did not look all that uncomfortable to wear.

Rinoa guessed what he was thinking and answered his unasked question. "I didn't think you would want me buying you any thongs or anything else too… flashy. I decided to buy you cheap but comfortable underwear instead. Oh and I kept the clothes as casual as I could." She grinned even wider, if that was possible, flashing pearly white teeth. "Be proud of my initiative Zell, be very proud."

* * *

Ten minutes later Zell was dressed in the most casual of all the casual outfits Rinoa had bought for him, although Rinoa did have to persuade him that it was a _good_ idea to wear a bra even if he didn't want to. He was dressed in faded blue jeans and a plain white tank top that, no matter how much he hoped it wouldn't, accentuated his breasts quite a bit.

It was quite an effort for Rinoa to get her new roommate out of her dormitory and on the way to the cafeteria. Thanks to Zell's over-sleeping they were now serving lunch, which meant hotdogs in the food-related part of his mind.

"Remember you owe me ten hotdogs," he reminded the girl walking beside him.

"No I only owe you ten if I turn you into a koala, and I didn't. It's only five hotdogs for you mister- I mean missy," Rinoa taunted. She couldn't help but poke a bit of fun at Zell's mishap. He simply grunted in reply, or attempted to but his feminine voice made it sound a lot more high-pitched than he intended.

A sudden bleep from Rinoa's direction caused Zell to jump then wonder why he jumped in the first place because the bleeping was only Rinoa's pager in her breast pocket. - _Why does Rinoa have a pager? -_ She picked it up and squinted her eyes to read the message that was scrolling along on the screen, her face slowly lit up as she read.

"Um… Sorry Zell – I mean Avis - but my Squall, he needs me and um… Good Luck." After saying this Rinoa ran off leaving Zell shouting "But you owe my hotdogs" behind her. Unfortunately she didn't turn around but just kept on running, eager to see her beloved most likely. Zell stamped his foot in irritation and was just about to walk through the door to the cafeteria when someone tapped him on the shoulder and a familiar voice spoke.

"I'll buy you hotdogs if you promise to sit with me," it was Irvine Kinneas, the regional ladies' man and one of Zell's best friends.

"I'm not in the mood Kinneas," Zell said waving his hand in Irvine's to signify him to leave, however with no avail.

"Hey you know my name," _Stupid Zell_, "Come to think about it you do seem familiar. How long have you been here?"

"I just came," answered Zell as quickly as possible. He never realised how annoying Irvine could be.

"What's you name gorgeous?"

"Z-Avis. Avis Delavy."

"Pretty, but not as pretty as you. Are you sure I haven't seen you before?"

"I'm sure."

"But you knew my name."

"Lucky guess," and as Zell said this he slammed the cafeteria door in Irvine's face, hearing a faint 'ouch' from Irvine as it collided with his nose. Really that guy was just too much and it made Zell shudder with repulsion. _But he did look good with that cowboy hat… Shut up._

As Zell entered the brightly lit cafeteria he received three whistles from some overly-horny SeeD cadets at a nearby table. He decided to just ignore the annoying catcalls and buy his much-needed hotdog instead. _This day is just getting better and better_._ Find an empty table, sit, and eat. That's all. No need to do anything else. Don't attract any attention and…_ _Who was that in the corner? Seifer Almasy with Raijin and Fujin? They're laughing? About what? Seifer just looked at me. Did that bastard tell?_ Zell felt his legs walking for him, walking towards Seifer's table. He felt his face redden with anger and felt his fist clench. _Did that fucking bastard tell?_

"Hey Almasy!" Zell shouted in Seifer's direction causing Seifer to stand up and walk towards him. Both Raijin and Fujin looked confused and were about to stand and follow but Seifer appeared to give a sign telling them to sit back down again.

"What do you want?" Seifer said as he reached him, he was smiling but he kept his voice low enough so only Zell could hear.

"You told," this was more of a statement than a question; although Zell was beginning to doubt that it was true. Seifer _was _talking quietly.

"You don't trust me?"

"Not really."

"I'm hurt," Seifer placed a hand over his heart in a sign of fake offence.

"Yeah right Almasy." Zell said in scorn. Nevertheless he was still glad that Seifer didn't tell. He expected him to shout from the rooftops but apparently he had more… humanity than Zell had first thought.

"Hey this is the new reformed Seifer remember. I'm still a cocky bastard but I'm also a trustworthy cocky bastard." Seifer then turned to rejoin his friends at the corner table; Raijin and Fujin were looking at him expectantly, hoping for some story of this new attractive, yet rather fiery, girl.

"GIRLFRIEND?" Fujin boomed in her loud monotonous voice as soon as Seifer reached their table.

"What? No, no way," Seifer replied laughing. It had taken him a while to get use to his friend's peculiar speech but now he understood every thundering word she said.

"She looks familiar, ya know?" This time it was Raijin who spoke, another member of Seifer's posse in which Seifer Almasy was the leader of it all. Raijin was loyal but he was also, unfortunately, not the sharpest of gunblades in their threesome, or perhaps in the whole of Balamb Garden.

"Hmm? Maybe," Seifer muttered, his voice vague and far away and his eyes staring blankly at the back wall.

* * *

Rinoa skipped happily down to the cafeteria, she felt bad about leaving Zell behind but Squall wanted to see her and well… you know. She could bribe for forgiveness with hotdogs anyway. However before she could get to him she found Seifer Almasy and his two trustworthy followers walking out of the cafeteria, then she remembered.

"Seifer I need to talk to you," she turned and looked at the rest of his posse, "Alone." Seifer nodded and told his friends to go on without him, they reluctantly agreed.

"Look I don't know if Zell told you," Rinoa's voice was barely audible, Seifer had to lean right in to hear her, "but he has a new name and I think it's best you call him that from now on; it's Avis Delavy."

The trademark smirk appeared on Seifer's face yet again.

"Purty name Rinoa. Where'd you get it from?"

"Oh… my-um-doll was called that." Rinoa answered, for some reason she felt embarrassed.

"Doll?" The smirk had now gone off Seifer's face, "so there's another doll for your spoilt self to play with eh?"

_Yes…_ "NO! Of course not. I don't think of Zell that way." Now she was definitely embarrassed, and ashamed that she actually once thought that.

"You mean _Avis_?" Seifer said slickly and at this he walked off leaving Rinoa gaping and wondering where in the HELL Seifer got his new brain.

* * *

_AN: Good? Not good? At least it's longer right? Right? Eee, I'm sorry. There's no action. Sorry. Nothing's happening whimpers. But don't you worry something will because I had a deal with my muse and she better shakes fist. Anyway thanks for the reviews, it is because of you this crappy new chapter went up so quickly. But I promise the story will get better and I have some pretty gosh darn juicy bits in the hollow that is my mind. Seifer and Zell are becoming friends? Really?_


	3. That Time

**Chapter 3**

**_That Time_**

The minutes ticked away slowly and _painfully,_ as Zell tried is best to at least pretend to listen to Selphie and Rinoa talking about… god knows what they are talking about. This was Rinoa's idea, she thought it would be best for Zell to get an idea of just how the mind of a woman works first hand by spending a day with her and the oh so and ever more hyper Selphie Tilmit.

It amazed Zell how much he didn't know about Selphie. Back in the days, where he still had his manhood, he had the smallest crush on Selphie. He found her optimistic and sweet attitude attractive, but now… he didn't know what it was but he just didn't get that usual tingle on allure and instead some sort of annoyance replaced it. To him Selphie Tilmit was annoying. Not in a bad way though, just the way in which spending too much time with her could cause his brain to melt. Apparently Rinoa didn't seem to mind her. Maybe because they were so alike or maybe because…

"Argh," Zell clenched his stomach in pain. He felt woozy and feint and sat himself on the closest seat, still clenching his midriff as if it would fall off if he didn't.

Rinoa looked at him worriedly for a moment and then she smiled as if something just clicked in her brain telling her exactly what had happened.

"I think you need to go to the lady's room," she said, still grinning.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Zell managed to say between his 'ughs' of pain. Unfortunately he did not get an answer because Rinoa was now dragging him by the arm to the nearest toilet. He could hear her saying something to Selphie about "not to worry about us, we'll meet you later," right before the toilet door slammed and Rinoa shoved Zell into on of the cubicles, handed him a green packet and left him in there telling him to lock the door.

"What's this for?" Zell asked through the cubicle door, a puzzled look on his face. He felt something strange _down below_ but he was too embarrassed to say anything about it.

"I think it's that time of the month for you _Avis_," Rinoa said in between giggles. _When did that girl ever stop giggling?_

"What time of the -? I'M FUCKING BLEEDING!"

"You're lucky nobody else is in here Zell," Rinoa said ignoring Zell's frantic shouts, "you're on your periods silly."

Suddenly Zell remembered the time when Quitis hit him over the head during her 'time of the month' and Selphie poured a glass of water on him during her's.

"W-What am I supposed to do?" He was holding the green package limply in his hand as if it was a skunk.

"Open it and use it," Although Zell couldn't see her Rinoa was shaking her head in dismay and amusement. This was just too much. Girl-Zell wasn't just an extremely realistic illusion; it was reality.

After a few minutes of annoyed mumbling from Zell and suppressed laughter from Rinoa he finally left the cubicle.

"How can you stand this? It's so uncomfortable," Zell asked as they exited the toilets.

"You just have to get use to it I suppose," shrugged Rinoa.

"Being a girl sucks."

* * *

This was the third time in two minutes that Zell had to pull his underwear back up because of frequent wedgies thanks to the pad. The day of shopping with Rinoa and Selphie was finally finished and here he was back at the scene of the crime, the training centre. He always came here to release the anger that built up inside of him and today was no exception. However it was slightly difficult to fight bite bugs when you had to undo a wedgy every so often.

"Got a pinecone stuck up your butt Zell?" Said a smarmy voice from behind him. Of course it was no other than Seifer Almasy, come torture him no doubt.

"Bite me Almasy," Zell replied.

"I think the bite bug has done enough of that so I don't have to." Quipped Seifer, that trademark smirk appearing yet again in the corner of his mouth. Zell merely ignored him and continued looking for another monster to wipe off the face of the earth.

"Why are you giving me the cold shoulder Zell? It's not I told anyone about your little secret." Seifer remarked, he was now right beside Zell and his smirk was no longer on his face. Zell did have to admit that Seifer was right; he didn't actually tell anybody about who he really was and he was grateful, although he didn't want to show it.

During Zell's ponderings another bite bug appeared from behind one of the bushes and he got ready to kick the living hell out of it until Seifer lifted up his gunblade and sliced it with such force it died immediately.

"What was that for?" Zell asked. He didn't know why he was so annoyed but he was.

"What do you mean?" Seifer answered a little bit bemused, "I just prevented you from getting another bite bug beating."

"Just because I'm a girl now doesn't mean I need your protection." Zell was seething and he felt a sudden urge to slap Seifer. _Slap? You mean punch don't you?_

"Well come to think about it you would be slightly weaker now." _Uh-oh you shouldn't have said that._

"Hey I'm NOT FUCKING WEAKER! Let's fight and I'll show you."

"I'm not going to fight a gir-you. I'm not going to fight y-"

However before Seifer could finish Zell had already launched himself at him with a full-on martial arts combo making Seifer fall to the floor with surprise. _What is Zell on?_

"I knew I could still beat you," Zell was standing over Seifer, fists at the ready, smiling.

Seifer couldn't help it. His competitiveness was like a sickness and he never _ever_ lost. He stood up, causing Zell to take a stumbling step back, and picked up his gunblade poised and ready. Zell came forward, arms aflame, striking Seifer in any place possible. The larger blonde, however, just blocked and parried each move with the flat side of his gunblade. It continued like this for half an hour. _Block, swipe, punch, parry, kick, block, duck, punch. _On and on. _Block, swipe, punch, parry, kick, block, duck, punch._ Until…

"SHIT," Seifer shouted and dropped his gunblade. Before him lay Zell clutching his side where a large red slash was visible. Zell had failed to parry one of Seifer's moves and here was the result of it. Seifer quickly searched his coat pocket for a potion but came up with nothing. He didn't even have any magic junctioned onto him, how stupid. He knelt down in front of Zell and looked at the wound, it was long but not too deep and Seifer let out a breath that he didn't know that he was holding.

"Come on Zell," Seifer said, lifting him up as gently as he could. There was a little bit of resistance from Zell but it soon settled. "We need to get you to the infirmary."

Zell was loosing a lot of blood and Seifer could feel him going limp in his arms. Luckily the infirmary was not too far away and this new female Zell was and Seifer hitched him up into his arms easily. He smiled and looked down on Zell's face realising how angelic and feminine _and attractive_ he now looked. Then Seifer remembered and shook his head free of those disturbing thoughts. He had to get Zell to the infirmary quick and there was no point standing here in the middle of the training centre marvelling at how pretty female Zell looked. He hitched Zell up in his arms once more to make sure he would be comfortable even in his unconscious state and ran.

* * *

Seifer looked up at the clock on the white clean tiles of the infirmary wall. He had been sitting here for over an hour, wringing his hands together for so long they had gone red. Luckily Dr. Kadowaki said it was a minor wound and that she could heal it easily with a few potions and bandages, however during this Seifer would have to leave the room, 'for privacy purposes' she had said.

_"What's her name?" Was the first thing Dr. Kadowaki had asked him after he had laid the still unconscious body of Zell on one of the infirmary beds._

_"Z-Avis Delavy." _

_"Zavis Delavy, right?"_

_"No, no I meant Avis. Avis Delavy."_

_"Could you spell that please?"_

"You're still here?" Dr. Kadowaki asked looking down at Seifer and breaking his train of thought. She was smiling slightly at him; her head cocked somewhat to the side as if she knew something he didn't.

"Um yeah, is h-she okay?" Seifer stood up, brushed the creases out of his trousers and ran a shaky hand through his blonde hair.

"She's perfectly well, just a little weak that's all. Although it is expected."

"What do you mean?"

"Well it's her time of the month, the blood she lost from the cut has added to the blood she lost –um- already."

At first Seifer stared for a few seconds but then… it clicked. It was the time when Fuujin kicked Raijin enough to bruise his bones. The time that every straight man feared. That time. Lucky for Seifer that he hadn't stayed with a girl long enough to experience that time; until now that is. _Wait… what?_

"You can go see her if you want," said Dr. Kadowaki, interrupting Seifer's musings yet again, "She's awake now."

Seifer nodded, took a few steps to the door, and then stopped. Maybe he shouldn't, maybe he should just leave Zell in peace. He heard what had happened to men who annoyed girls during _that time_. But Zell wasn't a real girl now, was he? Seifer shook his head to empty his brains of the useless gibberish he found himself thinking of lately and finally, taking a deep breath, decided to open the door.

"GET THE FUCK OUT ALMASY!"

Well how was Seifer supposed to know that Zell was getting dressed?

* * *

_Well what do you think? It's been a while I know but I've been real…_

_Zell: lazy_

_Be quiet you- you- **girl**._

_Zell: humph_

_Yes I've been lazy but also I've been busy (nods). I'm also in a better mood so um… toodles. Oh yeah and please review because reviews help feed Zell and Seifer who none of you would want to starve now, would you?_


	4. The Joys Of Teaching

Chapter 4

**_The Joys Of Teaching_**

Zell stared at the reflection of himself in the Rinoa's bathroom mirror, every now and then adjusting his skirt so that it would be longer and cover more of his thigh; he wanted a respectable look for his first day of teaching. He had never realised it before but the female SeeD instructor's uniform was not really the most 'covering' of things in the leg region. Perhaps he should get a petition started to allow trousers in the uniform.

"Zeeeell, you still in there?" Shouted the ever-happy voice of Rinoa from behind the door. "5 minutes until class starts. An instructor should always be there before her pupils." Zell rolled his eyes and opened the door of the bathroom to find Rinoa grinning in the next room. For some reason she always seemed to be grinning and for some reason it annoyed Zell a great deal. Probably because he thought that Rinoa should still feel extremely guilty for what she had done to him.

"Oooh, you look pretty Zell." Apparently Rinoa, over the last two days, had forgotten the mishap. Zell merely stuck out his tongue at her, indicated that he was leaving and slammed the dormitory door with Rinoa still grinning at his side.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Miss Avis Delavy," said Quistis Trepe, the head of the Garden staff and a close friend to Zell although she didn't know it, "your class is allocated in Training Room D on the second floor. You will be in charge of Mr Dincht's martial arts class."

Zell nodded even though he knew perfectly well where his class was and whom his class was with, he had been teaching them for nearly a year now. After making sure his name, or Avis Delavy's name to be more precise, had been ticked off the staff attendance list he made his way up to the second floor.

"Wait Miss Delavy," it was Quistis again but this time her voice was less professional. Zell turned to face her and saw a curious look in her eye.

"Have I… seen you before?" She asked.

"Um," _Shit…how can she recognise me?_ "No I don't think so, why?"

"You just seem very familiar that's all," Quistis answered, tilting her head to the side as if doing so would help her remember just where she had seen this girl before. She had thought she was good with faces but apparently not. "Sorry to waste your time."

"That's okay," Zell replied and turned to continue on his way. Training Room D on the second floor.

Training Room D was one of the smallest in the whole of Balamb Garden. Zell had already tried countless times to try and reallocate himself but without avail. It seemed that the larger Training Rooms were to be occupied by an increasing amount of gunblading wannabes who, thanks to the defeat of Ultimecia, wished to follow in the hero Commander Squall's footprints. Zell sighed and rolled his eyes, apparently nobody realised that Squall and Rinoa weren't the _only_ ones to fight that witch. At least his class was small.

As Zell opened the door to his class he was surprised to see Seifer standing in the corner of the room with his all too annoying smirk on his face. After Zell's last confrontation with the narcissistic blond he wasn't in much of a mood to see him again; but obviously his moods made no difference to the outside world.

Zell cleared his throat and looked towards the rest of the class only to find them all staring back at him. Of course they were all staring at him, he had been stood by the doorway for god knows how long.

"Um, morning class," Zell began, slightly startled by the highness of his voice. He still had not gotten quite use to having such a feminine voice come out of his mouth. "Mr Dincht is not available to take this class so I'll be taking his place-" a snicker escaped from Seifer but Zell ignored it, "I'm Instructor Avis Delavy."

Zell gave each person a warm-up task to do before he walked over to Seifer, who was still, to Zell's dismay and irritation, trying to suppress a laugh.

"What do you think you're doing here Almasy?"

"Observing your teaching techniques," replied Seifer. Then adding as an after-though, "you don't mind, do you Instructor?"

Zell was about to retort back when he heard her shout of 'Instructor Delavy' from behind. He turned to see one of his male students on the floor clutching his leg as if it would wall off if he didn't.

"What's wrong?" Zell asked as he crouched down in front of the student, Jin was his name. Zell knew that something bad must have happened; Jin wasn't the type of student to collapse from something as trivial as a pulled muscle in the leg.

"I pulled a muscle in my leg," or apparently not.

Zell tried his best to hide his annoyance and merely suggested that Jin should rub some muscle salve on his leg to ease the so-called 'pain'.

"Instructor Delavy, could you do it for me," Jin looked up at Zell pleadingly and held out a tube of muscle salve to the bemused Instructor. Zell stared down at the boy as if he was crazy, _there's something wrong with this kid._ Even so Zell did as his student requested. After all he didn't want his student to dislike him on his first, sort-of, class. He looked up to see gratitude in Jin's eye but instead he saw something else like… _lust?_

"Instructor Delavy Instructor Delavy," another shout erupted from the other side of the classroom and Zell turned to see _another_ male student lying on the floor clutching his leg. "I've pulled a muscle Instructor."

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Zell was exhausted when the bell that signalled the end of class finally rang. He wasn't exhausted because of extreme physical workouts though, he was used to that, but instead it was because he had to help a fallen student every five minutes, all of those students being male. He felt a shadow behind him and turned to see a still-smirking Seifer, he had forgotten that Seifer had been present throughout the class.

"Have fun turning on horny teenagers?" Seifer asked as he followed Zell out of the Training Room.

"What the hell are you talking about Almasy?" Zell decided to quicken his place. Being around Seifer felt rather uncomfortable. Unfortunately the taller blond could stride easily beside him. _Damn these short legs_.

"You do realise that now you're a girl you have two new and rather round additions to your body?"

"And I've lost one part of my body that I would have definitely preferred **not** to lose." Zell retorted.

"That wasn't my fault," Seifer said in a voice very much unlike the one Zell was used to hearing, "and remember I still haven't told anyone about you."

Zell was taken aback by Seifer's new tone but he decided it was best to ignore it, he walked away and this time Seifer didn't follow.

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Seifer kicked the dirt as he stood in the Training Centre, gunblade in hand. He had hoped to stumble upon Zell again but apparently she must have been busy with lesson plans. _Wait… she? Damn it Seifer what is wrong with you?_ He heard voices at the entrance and saw one of the students from Zell's class (_Jin was it?) _enter with some other guy.

"So what are we doing here again Jin?" said the other guy as they entered the jungle-like area.

"I've told you already, I'm practising." Jin answered. He was doing a few kicks and punches at the air; looking somewhat stupid as he did.

"You never practise martial arts, you say it's a waste of time."

"Not anymore it isn't, we've got this new Instructor." Jin's voice grew louder with elation at that point and he gave out a low whistle, "You should see her. She looks even better than Instructor Trepe does in the uniform."

"Maybe I should join the class and see for myself."

"Don't you dare" Jin shook his fist mock-threateningly in his friend's face, "Instructor Delavy is mine."

The two SeeDs-in-training continued their practising as Seifer exited the Training Centre. He had felt an urge to slice Jin's arms off but he overcame it, however he still felt it was best to leave before the urge came back and he could no longer control it. It was an interesting conversation he overheard but knew that if he told Zell then he would most likely have his balls shattered and since Zell no longer had any left the small blond would feel no worry in receiving any retaliation. Yes Seifer agreed with himself that it would be better to keep this information to himself. Perhaps there will be a group of 'Delavies' in the near future to rival those annoying 'Trepies'. _Maybe I should join them_, Seifer thought but quickly dismissed it when he realised how completely inappropriate a thought like that was.

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Yay I'm finally done. Sorry it took so long for me to update but I have my GCSEs coming up very shortly and I have this thing called revision I have to do, damn it. Anyway because of my GCSEs you'll probably have to wait a while for my next update too. Really I am sorry.

Please still review though because I wouldn't have anyone egging me on without all your lovely reviews. Go read PodSara's story too, which was my inspiration for this one.


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